KEKXIFIED

So as I mentioned to my previous blog, I joined a contest in CSB , “Twenty [24] Quatro” and just like a typical film contest, it includes audience choice award whereas its aim is to get as many likes as you can! 

It sounds like an easy task especially when you got tons of friends however, the dilemma is that the fan page uploaded our video way too much late compared to other teams who garnered 500+ likes ahead of us.. they uploaded it at around 8am  and ours followed at around the next morning 4am that makes us very far behind! :(

and what makes me more annoyed is that during the time they uploaded our video, the title got jumbled with other teams, they uploaded it twice making the voters confused on where to vote and a lot more mishaps… ugh I hate it!!!! really, it isn’t fair!!! 

oh well, I’m proud to reach that high likes tho for a day, I’ve been asking people to vote our entry and surprise, surprise, the people who are helping me to gain likes are those who I didn’t expected will help! siguro some of the closest are too shy to beg for likes para sa akin:( 

This post is written straight from my heart and it might not mean a thing to some of you… As I am writing this one, I am crying so bad and I don’t know what to do anymore.. you see everything that is happening to me is not how I plan my 2012 would be..everything seems deteriorating and I don’t know how to take charge of my life anymore, my emotions are just so scattered and I cannot control it anymore. I am not myself anymore to be honest.

Everything I do lately is either horrible or mediocre and I hate myself for it. I’m uninspired, irritated 24/7, sad and lost. Everything is just not right for me and no one will understand how and why i’m feeling this way:(

No matter how I push myself to do things beyond what I’m capable, still, I have short comings and no matter how much I want to fill that up and be at my best, there will always be crap out there ready to mess with you!

As I speak, I actually don’t know what to do anymore but I know, in time, I’ll see that light.

Christmas and New year break sucks for me, honestly when asked how was my day, nothing really meaningful had happened because all I had to do is a fucking routine and I had no other options how to break it. 

I can actually summarize my daily conventions into 4 bullets: 

• Sleep
• House errands
• Eat
• Computer

Yes, I know you might be thinking, why don’t you go out or something, you see I don’t have a wallet that produces unlimited cash, I don’t have friends who’s around me that is willing for cheap trips, I don’t have any person to hang out with.  I’m home alone 24/7 and if not, my brother has visitors all the time.

I feel bad about ranting how crappy my vacation is well in fact there are a lot of people has worst setting than I do have, but really I feel so lonely and jealous for those who had celebrated their Christmas and will celebrate their new year extra ordinarily. 

I’m not saying I have nothing.  I’m not saying I’m gone completely.  It’s just sometimes it’s all a bit too much to handle.  Sometimes I feel like it’s too much.  I’m not going to rant like a selfish bitch because I know it will get better, it has to right?  Otherwise there wouldn’t be anyone alive now because each has their own problems.  But for now, just for now, it hurts.